the godfather in me

i took time to see the godfather trilogy in the past, which is considered to be one of the greatest film in cinematic history. although the "godfather" title was used in a different light i perceived it as a film that strongly holds family ties and values. the godfather tries to head the family, his clan.

i still remember when i was still a teen, i astonishingly asked my mother, "why until now nobody asked me to be a godfather for their child?" my mother just smiled back at me and never said a word.

as i traced the history and origins of a godparent i found out that generally it is a religious practice since the second century. traditionally, godparents are responsible for ensuring the child's religious education and upbringing and godparents are also responsible for caring for the child in the event that the child become an orphaned.

in the modern practice and perspective, godparents are chosen individuals by the parents of a child to take an interest in the child's upbringing and personal development initiated through the child's baptism.

then came the time that i became a godfather for the first time, it was unforgettable not just because it was the first time but because it came simultaneously, and when i say simultaneously it literally means "sabay-sabay". they were four:

1. the son of mareng lolet and pareng zaldy velasques

2. the son of mareng marivic and pareng arnel san diego

3. the son of mareng pinyang, (daughter of tata doro), i do not know who was my kumpare with her.

4. and the daughter of mareng jenny and pareng darwin aquino.

these four of my godchildren have been baptized on the 3oth of december the year i cannot remember, in which coincides the yearly celebration of our baranggay "pasasalamat".

it was during these times that i was very active in the baranggay youth and most of them i have gained closeness through our activities together, and i believe that they decided to make the ties forever so they asked me to be their kumpare.

at this day i really do not keep track of how many godson or goddaughter i have at present. but as i am writing this entry i would like to recall them one by one, an accounting of sort of my "inaanaks"

5. the son of my mareng bing marcelo from marilao, bulacan

6. the daughter of mareng raquel doronia also from marilao and sister to my mareng bing

7. daughter of pareng harley lozada, one of my regular cook when i was still with chowking

8. daughter of pareng bambi, my former headcook at chowking

9. daughter of jocelyn "geri" cumabot, my headcashier at chowking

10. daughter of chat dela cruz and patrick dela cruz who are both from chowking also.

11. son of pareng allan and mareng germaine, my former colleague and till now a closest friend. we were hired at chowking together as management trainee way back 2004

12. son of pareng jowen and mareng lorna, also my former colleague and a confidante to this day and age. not to mention jowen and pareng allan have a slightly similar love story.

13. daughter of pareng marjonelle and lalaine, my protege and also a former colleague at chowking.

items 5 to 13, all i have met and gained them during my stint at chowking petron marilao for over 4 years.

there were also those closest relatives that really wanted to strengthen the bond between us, in spite of being related by blood, they opted to asked me to be a godfather to their children. mas nagpapatibay at magpapatibay sa pagiging magkakapamilya.

14. daughter of patrick and mel, patrick is my second cousin and has been among my contemporary in terms of growing up and the range of our age. from kuya aris to pareng tuts.

15. son of tita beth and tito delo, tita beth is my aunt and the first cousin of my father. and i would say tita beth has been one of my motivation of doing good in school and doing good towards my cousins and relatives. she has readied herself to become a mother even before she had her own children. several of her nephews and nieces ay lumaki sa kanyang mga bisig.

16. son of ate mercy and kuya rolan. ate mercy is my first cousin, in reality my cousin is my godson.

17. daughter of kuya romano and his wife mina. same scenario and consanguinity with ate mercy.

18. daughter of miriam and her husband. miriam is also a first cousin on my maternal side. my niece is my inaanak.

19. son of tita osie and tito arthur. tita osie is a sister to my mother, and ariel, son of tita osie. my first cousin is my inaanak.

some of my godchildren were from my own baranggay.

20. daughter of ate len len and kuya roswin. ate len was like a sister to me specially during and after our efforts in the baranggay youth council.

21. daughter of rachel de ocampo and her husband, rachel was also a colleague at the baranggay youth council.

22. daughter of ate amy castillo and her husband.

23. son of ernie de guzman and his wife.

24. daughter of lea and willie ipapo. whom i remembered the baptism celebration was held at macapilapil, san ildefonso and it was a rainy season that time.

25. son of kuya abner apostol and his wife.

26. the child of gloria manio and her husband. whom i believed to be because of the late tata doro manio why i was asked to become a ninong of his great grandchild.

27. the great grandchild of the late tata gusting, in which i do not know the names of my kumare and kumpare. my inaanak was the grandchild of mang sesay and aling pilar.

28. the daughter of wilson and reivah aboboto. on a personal note, wilson as i told him, played an important part during the time of our mourning and weeping. and being asked to be a godfather to their daughter is just a manifestation of our relationship more than acquaintance, its a family bond.

29. daughter of ate mary and her husband. ate mary has played an important part during my studies at the university belt. she has shown motherly concern for me eventhough she is physically challenged. her life is an inspiration and not to mention she is one of the many who have been given help by "wish ko lang" a public service show of gma 7.

30. the son of pareng june samson and his wife from calawitan san ildefonso. a cousin of my kumareng len len and in which through her we became friends.

there were also few of my inaanaks whom their parents had been my workmates in my previous jobs and eventually have developed into a certain degree of friendship to close as family relatives.

31. son of elena and her husband. who was our cook during my work at a political office in baliuag. she fed me my during that time not only with food but with friendship.

32. daughter of pareng nathan and mareng len. nathan was my former colleague at fernandez colleges, the academe which has gave me some of my closest friends to this day.

33. daughter of mareng criselda and her husband. also a colleague from fernandez colleges. noting that her sister marie rose had been my high school classmate, but i think our closeness in the college where we taught gave us the way to establish a much more closeness than marie rose.

34. daughter of mareng maricel and her husband from pulilan, bulacan. maricel had been my colleague at a political office during the 2007 elections.

35. the child of my classmate and closest friend grace kelly melendez, whose parents were also like parents to me, we have the same emotions and feeling towards our experiences specially in family life and relationships.

there is also parent-godparent relationship that seems to be a continuation of a tradition, a means of prolonging the ties, friendship and relationship..

36. daughter of mareng kaye and pareng archie mariano. kaye has been a childhood friend, both our fathers are magkumpares and worked with the same company in the past. my sister maileen was a god daughter of tita zeny, mother of kaye. and once i remember telling kaye, i hope that our children will continue the link in the family by getting one to be a godparent of each child or vice versa as generation pass by.

the latest addition to my circle of inaanaks is of course my one and only pamangkin..

37. daughter of ate maileen and kuya pat. honestly, i did not pushed myself to be my nieces godfather its the initiative of my sister and brother-in-law the very reason that gave me an ultimate joy.

my apologies for those i forgot to mention but i hope i was able to recall all of them. i may not remember your names specifically but i will always remember the thought that i am your god father.

i may not be the most lucrative ninong that gives all the material gifts in the world but everyday as i live i am giving all of you the gift of prayer even if nobody asked for, that each one of you would become the most responsible human being and become successful in any endeavor you will take, that may your parents nurture you with all the love in the world.

i do not hold the record of having the most number of inaanaks but i have plenty of them to have a good thought of what i have been doing for the past 29 years of my life and i believe that this manifest not my richness in wealth but my richness in character.

i am very proud to be a ninong to each one of you. i pray that you do not remember me in times of christmas and gift-giving but rather remember in all the good ways you can imagine.

a godparent or a godfather does not start and end in yuletide season of present giving, its more of a moral and social responsibility in which i am more than willing to partake as long as i live.

search and you will find

literally i have searched for her..

until now i still do not know why my eyes led me to her images and made me admire the simplicity in her since then. i have asked my friend for a single clue on what is she like and without a doubt i knew from then that she will be a special someone to me.

i sent her messages and unexpectedly she replied... that made me even more in fuss and excitement, my heart started to heal.

it was our first electronically equipped conversation, i opened my heart to her and i know she did not only hear but she listened.

since then i knew, i could and i would want it to lead to something special...but i am afraid.

afraid to the thought that she would see it as informal, not serious and just a part of a play.

a decent girl like her deserves all the right to be respected and accord all the reverence.

i am afraid that if i start to express my love and longing for her, my intentions will be put in question.

time and distance will surely be an element of discussion today and in the future. ngunit ipinagdarasal ko na saklawin ng kanyang isip at puso ang mga bagay na ito...sana....

and if in time she have decided to say yes, i would love to celebrate life, love and happiness with her.

my great ordeal

Even before this ordeal has come to an end, I have long and firmly decided to account it in any manner I can. I believe that this ordeal deserves a narrative in the pages of history of my existence.

In order for me to account and narrate it in a comprehensive and detailed manner, I would like to present the chronology of proceedings of this ordeal. The most trying times of my life.

February 24, 2010 –Wednesday - my one year and 1 month and 29 days working with Mcdonalds Singapore. It was a closing shift for me at Mcdonalds Chinatown Point, my work started at 4:00 pm and ended at 1:30 am of February 25, 2010. At the end of my shift I have surely deposited the sales for the shift amounting to 2,705.95 Singapore Dollars with the deposit bag number C3838663.

February 25, 2010 – it was my off day, Thursday. I just stayed at home and enjoy the moment with my bed.

February 26, 2010 –Friday - I did the opening shift at Mcdonalds Lucky Chinatown Point, my work started at 6:30 am and ended at 3:30 pm. As a payroll manager at the time, it has been my practice to go to the main store at Mcdonalds Chinatown Point to do some administrative works, keying of leaves and filing documents with regards to payroll.

Naomi, a senior manager and colleague at Mcdonalds ask me if I can accompany her to Mcdonalds People’s Park, Mcdonalds Great World City and Mcdonalds Raffle’s City for us to see and check on their Crew Incentive programs.

Even if I had to go to airport and fetch my auntie, I said yes to Naomi. It took us until 5:30 pm before we parted ways and before I headed to the Budget Terminal to fetch my auntie.

When I was on my way to the airport via MRT I received a call from Hairul, the depositing manager and broke me the news that the money under my name and in which I deposited on February 24, 2010 was missing. My heart began to pound so fast and quickly responded to Hairul to please double check the vault with mind that the money should only be there. After a while and after exchange of several short messaging service Hairul called me again confirming to me that the bag was really missing.

When I reached the Changi Airport, I again received a call from my Restaurant Manager Jim Neo with a fiercefull voice asking me if I don’t know how serious the problem is. I answered him back and say ,I know its serious and I said I will be going back to the store after I fetch my auntie from the airport.

My mind is started to be puzzled on what really happened.

I was able to fetch my auntie, we took the cab and I just dropped her in front of our block and I instructed the driver to bring me to Chinatown Point. Even before I reached Chinatown Point, I received a forwarded text message from Eric Er, our Business Consultant through my Restaurant Manager saying that all managers need to come down to the store at 10:00 pm for some interrogation.

I reached the store first before my RM Jim Neo. I borrowed the vault key to Hairul and checked for myself the vault but I found nothing. Jim came and he also did his own checking, again there was nothing to be found of the missing deposit bag.

Then came the rest of the managers Melissa Lee, Sunny Rui, Naomi Quek, Stanley and Alvin Chong among others.

I was the last to be interrogated by my Business Consultant Eric Er and judging from his actions, reactions and gestures, his manner of questioning seems that he is convinced I took the money.

It was a very disheartening moment for me, as if I am in a battle that I am alone and no one would like to believe me. Same questions were ringing to my ear, “Did you take the money?” and with conviction I answered, “I did not take the money”

Eric Er came out of the room and had a stick of cigarette. He roamed around and walked in the manager’s office, checked the deposit log and endorsement slip which I made.

February 27, 2010 – 12:00 am – I was still in the store at Chinatown Point, It was a very long day, I am exhausted, drained, empty, and my heart is in so much pain and my mind is so inundated with many things to think.

Eric Er asked me again for a moment of serious talk, time and again, he would ask me the same question, “Did you take the money?”. With the premise of my state of being at that time, Eric Er started to sell the idea of helping me and with great regret I bought his idea. He said, “Castro, I will help you.” If you admit it we will pay the money, Jim and I will help you. We will call the office that we found the bag inside the store and the case is close. A well-trained Business Consultant in handling grievances succeeded in letting me admit the accusation.

Yes, I admit the accusation. Believing in the words and promise of Eric Er and for my sole reason that I wanted to close and finish the case and move on.

All the while I thought that we will just be making stories for the head office to know when I admitted it, Eric Er purely and entirely believe that I really took the money, we were on opposite ends, we were like parallel lines that will never meet.

I wrote an admission letter, a real fiction creatively written.

He asked me where I spent the money, asked me for receipts of my spending and when I was not able to produce the receipts he asked me once again, “Castro, did you really take the money?” and I said, “I really did not take the money that is why I am not able to produce and give you receipts. Then he gave me back the 1000 Singapore dollars which I gave Eric Er that will form part to pay the missing money. Then they left and I was not able to retrieve the admission letter I wrote.

It was 2:00 am that I have laid my back on my bed, my body was resting but my mind was not.

Before this incident, I had a commitment with my high school friends, a get together at Jemmy’s place. We were happy seeing each other but they do not know what I have gone through the night before. As trusted friends, I shared with them my difficulty, I told them that I need to go by 3:00 in the afternoon and leave early for I have a meeting with my Business Consultant Eric Er and Business Manager Victor Ang with regards to the case. I felt the sadness of my friends and I have brought with me their support and trust.

The Coffee Bean shop was the meeting place just near the Mcdonalds Chinatown Point. There were Er and Ang, they had the same question over again, “Did you take the money?” I said, “I did not take the money!” Then they start to frighten me that if I am not going to admit the accusation they will bring me to the police, that I need to pay a bail of 10,0000 Singapore dollars, that I will be deported, that I will be detained for 48 hours in prison etcetera etcetera.

I told them that if the police can help me, and the only way that will prove my innocence then let us go to the police.

4:00 in the afternoon, we reached the Police Cantonement Complex at Outram Park together with Jim Neo, Eric Er and myself to lodge a police report. We waited for so long that the police officers assigned on the report area are junior officers that they do not know what to do so we waited for a senior police investigator for about 4 hours.

After the long wait, we were attended by Senior Police Investigator Tho Ah Song. The officer talked to Eric Er for few minutes and then the officer talked to me and asked me the side of my story.

The officer asked me to stay behind while my bosses went home. The officer brought me to their office for some interrogation.

I was very terrified during the instance, little by little I am preparing myself for the worst thing that could happen. A overnight stay in jail.

There were three officers who were alternately asking me if I took the money and their voices and acts imply a great fear on my part.

I was sending messages to my sister and brother-in-law keeping them informed of what is happening to me inside the police station. The police then asked me to refrain from using my hand phone.

February 28, 2010 – Sunday – 1:00 am – After the police have finished the police report, Police Officer Tho Ah Song decided to sent me home, in return that I surrender my passport to them. I did what I was told, I asked my friend Melvin to go home and take the passport.

The worry of staying in jail is over, we were in a cab and heading for home. While inside the taxi, I grabbed and held tight the hand of my friend and tears fell out of my eyes and I whispered, “Ang hirap pala”.

2:00 am – I was lying in my bed ready to sleep bit by bit I am feeling the physical pain and the climax of my emotional torment. My body is resting but my mind has just continued to think. Thinking of when this will end, what will happen to me, why is this happening, where should I go next and how will I survive this?

9:00 am – My brother-in-law and I decided to go and consult the Philippine Embassy for some legal advise and help. We were welcomed by Third Secretary and Vice-Consul Mr. Jed Martin Llona. To sum it up, the embassy did not play an important role in my case from start to finish, they did not intervene, they did not take any action, they treated it as a normal case, a not so important case that does require immediate attention. The Vice-Consul said that since I am an S-Pass holder, they cannot give free lawyers because it is only for those Domestic Workers that they give free lawyers. He gave us a list of lawyers should the case elevated to its worst scenario. Then I have pondered, “Pilipino din naman ako, bakit ganun?”

March 1, 2010 – I was suspended from work until March 4, 2010. Mcdonalds Human Resource Department have done their own investigation. Present were Irene Tay, Human Resource Executive, Patricia Yong, Head of Human Resource and Development and Eric Er, Business Consultant. Their line of questioning was the same, they treated me as if I am guilty, they have not shown any compassion, as if they are very sure that I took the money. They speak of People Value but on that day I felt I was not valued, I was a trash in their eyes. It was like a dot in a clean sheet of a bond paper, they just saw the small dot but they never saw the big white bond paper.

March 5, 2010 – I was again at Mcdonalds Head Office, they have decided to dismiss me and stop my connection to Mcdonalds. They have cancelled my work pass and gave me a social visit pass up until April 5, 2010.

In that span of 30 days, with great eagerness, I have decided to find a new job. Starbucks called me up for an interview. I had my OJE (on job evaluation) at Starbucks Simei then after I had a final interview with Allison Ferrao the District Manager for Starbucks and eventually had let me sign a Letter Offer dated April 6, 2010.

The District Manager scheduled me an appointment at their head office for the application of my work pass, unfortunately, when they asked me of the pass I am currently holding I showed them a special pass issued by the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority and it is clearly stated that I am in a special pass because of police investigation.

I thought Starbucks all along with all my application process, they knew my status, given that I have explained and reiterated my story to my initial interview with Sam of Starbucks Terminal 2 Changi Airport, but the Human Resource Department was a bit surprise. The human resource personnel did not oppose of the application she said that they will apply a pass for me. I waited for three weeks for their call, until I decided to call them and they just said it was rejected. I was saddened; my ray of hope seems to be dimming at that time.

I was under Special Pass when my 30-day social visit pass issued by Mcdonalds ended. The police officer issued me a letter addressed to the ICA to issue me the said pass.

April 1, 2010 to April 28, 2010 – my first special pass duration. My dilemma of finding a job even come to worst. I have been to a several job interviews and I have been very honest with what happened on my previous employer, but it seems none of them want to take the risk of hiring me. I felt so useless, so inadequate and incompetent.

My desire to look for a job suddenly decline, I have perceived it as a waste of time. I need to finish and close the pending case at the police before I apply, before I can be hired.

The police officer keeps on giving me false hopes on my case, he said he will help me and give him time to investigate on the case.

He said that I will be undergoing the polygraph test ( lie-detector test ), that if I pass the test I can go back to Philippines and close the case. I have waited patiently for the schedule of my polygraph test.

I have an idea of a polygraph test but I do not know what it is to be undergoing it. I researched the net and read some information regarding polygraph test. I know in my heart I will pass the test but I cannot assure the physiological state of my body during the test proper, I am worried.

April 28, 2010 to May 27, 2010 – my second special pass duration. Still in waiting for the schedule of the polygraph test. I have busied myself at home, taking care of my niece. At the same time looking for institutions, groups, NGO’s that can help me with the case.

I remember David Gates, a Filipino lawyer here in Singapore whom I knew because of my Tita Nerie. They were seatmates in a flight bound to the Philippines during the ravage of typhoon Ondoy last September of 2009. My Tita Nerie served as a Good Samaritan to him, offered helped by bringing David Gates to a safe place in Bulacan during the typhoon. David Gates was my legal adviser during the time, he explained to me very well how it s to have a situation like mine in Singapore. When to hire a lawyer, what to do next and to his own words and compassion made me understand the whole scenario in its legalities. David Gates had also referred me to a Criminal Lawyer by the name of Rashida, if in case the situation elevated to court proceedings. They were blessings to me.

It was also during this time my girlfriend for four years broke up with me, and the details I would like to keep myself.

During this time I have always asked myself, “What have I done wrong in my 28 years of existence to deserve these trials?” then I started to question and doubt HIM.

May 27, 2010 to June 23, 2010 – my third special pass duration. Still in waiting for my polygraph test. I am starting to be defeated by my emotions, my mind cannot and do not know what to think, my spirituality is decaying, not to mention the financial aspect of it.

During this time I have written correspondence to the Singapore Head of Criminal Investigation Department, Susan Ople, a champion of OFW, Ramon Tulfo. I have also managed to utilize Twitter but none of them seem to take notice of my plea. I have also come to avail of a free legal counsel at the Holy Trinity Parish Church in Tampines just to gather advise and clear some gray areas on my mind.

Like any mother, my mother was very much worried about me and honestly, I have feared for her life than mine. The very reason I have always showed and conveyed her strength every time she would call and not give her any sign of weakness even though deep inside my heart is struggling and weeping.

It has also come to a point where I decided to be incarcerated just for practical reasons and to put an end to the whole scenario. I told my sister that if the case reached the court just let me go in jail. We do not have the money to support the battle. Three thousand ( 3000.00 ) Singapore dollars for the initial payment of the lawyer and two thousand ( 2000.00) Singapore dollars for every appearance and every hearing of the case and we do not have the money. I just thought that if I will be put in jail there is a definite end to the case and from there I can move on.

June 23, 2010 to July 23, 2010 – my fourth special pass duration. Still in abstract wait for the polygraph test. During this period,another Filipino had a case with Mcdonalds similar to my case, his name is Ismael Soriano. We were together during our first interview with Mcdonalds, same period that we are hired and we are good friends. Ismael knew of my case that is why we were in contact during his ordeal, I was giving him advise then, eventually he was also dismissed from Mcdonalds. We were two victims going nowhere and we draw strength from each other.

I was luckier than Ismael because he does not have any relative or sister here in Singapore like I do and he has a family of is own in the Philippines that needs to be financially supported.

For a while Ismael and I were together looking for job, finding assistance and finding comfort to each other. Our feet led us to Migrant Workers Center, our quest also led us to H.O.M.E ( Humanitarian Organization for Migrant Economics ), a shelter for foreign workers that needs assistance and help. We were looking for a place to stay for Ismael for he has no place to stay at that time but the shelter cannot accommodate him.

We met Valli, a social worker from HOME and she has mentioned that the Ministry of Manpower is offering jobs for those Special Pass holders. Our heart suddenly jumped for excitement, we have never imagined and thought that Singapore government has such thing. The next day we rushed at Kim Seng Street, satellite branch of the Ministry of Manpower only to find out that those are for special pass holders that has problems with employers and not vice versa. We felt so miserable.

Ismael needed to endure just two months before his case came to a sweet end. He has finished his polygraph test, the result of it and was given a Notice of Warning, that if in the future the same complain happen, he will be directly prosecuted in court. I felt genuinely happy for Ismael and somehow I felt sad for myself.

The next day I was eager to sent electronic mails to those possible people, organization and individual who can help me. I sent mails to the Prime Minister, to the Chief of Police, the Secretary of Ministry of Home Affairs and all those in the directory of the Singapore Police Force and my letter reads:

Greeting of Peace.

I am Aristhotel D. Castro, a Filipino, who has a pending police case investigation under Senior Police Investigator Tho Ah Song. The case was a theft case filed against me by my former employer Mcdonalds Restaurant Private Ltd. dated February 27, 2010 at your Central Police Headquarters in Cantonement Complex

As per Investigator Tho Ah Song, I will be scheduled for a polygraph test in order for me to move on with the development of the case, that if in case the results will be negative I will be cleared. Unfortunately there have been no clear schedules given to me on the said polygraph test as of this day. It has been a patient wait for me for the past 4 months.

In relation, I have a colleague at the same company who has also the same case, same nature filed at Tanglin Police dated May 29, 2010 and he had been polygraph on June 17, 2010 and June 30, 2010 the case was closed and have given his passport to go back to the Philippines. It just took 1 month for the whole investigation.

This is to seek your help and appeal to your good office to please help me expedite the schedule of my polygraph test and of the case, for personal reasons that I need to go back to the Philippines and visit my ailing mother who is getting weaker each day passes by because of my situation and I do not have the financial strength to stay longer here in Singapore because of high cost of living specially for an unemployed like me.

I hope that foreigner like me will be given equal treatment, justice and humane accordance.

I do hope that attention will be given in this plea and receive my advance gratitude for whatever response you will accord me.

Sincerely,

Aristhotel D. Castro

The very next day the investigator assigned, Tho Ah Song, called me and asked me if I wrote a letter to his superior and I said yes. He was a bit irritated because he felt that he was perceived by his superior as he was doing nothing with regards to my case. The same day I received an electronic mail saying that I am scheduled for a polygraph test on July 6, 2010 at 10:00 in the morning. I saw a spark of light to my dimming future.

July 9, 2010 – Polygraph Test. I was early in the police station. I came early so as not to be hurried and to be relaxed. It was in the 23^rd floor, then the Polygraph Expert called me in the testing room, oriented me on the dos and donts of the test. There was a Filipino interpreter, although I could understand the English language I opted to ask for her assistance. Then the officer put on me the wires on my chest, stomach, fingers, and on my arms. I can hear clearly my heart pounding and my breathing not the usual rate.

There were ten questions. Some of which related to the February 26, 2010 incident and some are non-related questions. They asked me five times the same set of questions.

The test took about five hours and the officer has done his job very well. Before I left the room, he told me that he cannot reveal the results, that I need to wait for about a week for the result. The result of the test would be one of the three: inconclusive, (cannot interpret) truthful (telling the truth) and deceptive (telling a lie).

I knew in my heart and in my conscience that all my answers are truthful enough to resolve and finish the case.

A week after the test, I received again a call from officer Tho Ah Song asking me if when is the expiration date of my special pass and I quickly said it will be expired on July 23, 2010. Consequently, I send a message to the officer Ah Song asking him if the Polygraph Test results are already out and he said yes but he cannot reveal the results to me. Somehow, there was a feeling of relief for me at that time because they did not urgently require me to report to the police station. I thought that my journey will soon come to its end but a more complicated and unthinkable is soon to take place.

July 23, 2010 to August 6, 2010. My last extension of the special pass. The investigator asked me to give him all the necessary documents, evidence that will help in assessing the case. He asked for my bank account. The address where I do remittances to the Philippines and including my brother-in-law’s remittance account. I gave them what they needed without hesitation.

All the while I thought it will be over. But when the investigator say that I need to extend my stay here in Singapore because they will be referring the case to the Attorney-General’s Chamber or the Public Prosecutor’s Office who will decide if I am going to be charge in court based on the gathered evidence. I was feeling numb during the time I am hearing those words. As if I am just starting a new battle. If in case the Public Prosecutor’s decide to charge me with a case, it’s the end of me. It’s a long way battle to go.

From July 23, 2010 to August 6, 2010 were my sleepless nights. Even if I close my eyes the thought of it is killing me. My fate and my future is in the hands of the Attorney-General.

August 4, 2010. Wednesday – The happiest day of my life. I received a call from the officer handling my case, asking my whereabouts. I said I am just at home in Sengkang, then I asked, “Is it good news?”. Then the officer said yes, the big boss say you can go back to your country. I was jumping for joy. It was an unexplainable. I rushed to my Tita Nerie and hugged him as if I was a kid. It was a very wonderful moment. It was great and astonishing. The documents and my thoughts are one in content. I was not guilty

In the afternoon, I immediately reported to the police station and the officer handed me a letter for the ICA to cancel my special pass. The letter was sealed and the officer said I should not open it. But my curiosity is at its best. I made a way to see the content of the letter. I put the envelope near a tube light so that I can read the content. I was successful in doing so and some of the content reads:

“POLICE HAVE COMPLETED THE INVESTIGATION. WE HAVE ADDRESSED THE CASE WITH ATTORNEY- GENERAL’S CHAMBER, AND HAS DIRECTED POLICE TO ALLOW THE ABOVE-MENTIONED SUBJECT TO LEAVE SINGAPORE UPON EXPIRY OF THE SPECIAL PASS AS WE DO NOT HAVE SUFFICIENT REASONS TO HOLD THE ACCUSED FOR THAT LONG.”

August 9, 2010 – MY JOURNEY HOME. The immigration has extended my pass until August 9, 2010. I need to exit or leave Singapore, but I decided to go home. It feels so good, there was a complete peace of mind, I am going home.

I have always told my friends who knew of what happened, “Hindi ko naisip, ni sa hinagap na mangyayari sa akin ang tulad nito, kahit ano pala ang gawin mong pagpapakabuti sa buhay tiyak na tiyak na susubukin ka ng tadhana. Dagdag ko pa, sa 29 na taon ng buhay ko, ako naman ay nagpakabuti, tumutulong sa abot ng aking makakaya, naglilingkod sa Diyos at sa palagay ko ay naging mabuti naman akong anak, kaya hindi kayang saklawin ng aking isip kung bakit ito nangyari.

Gayunman naisip ko, every trial and suffering has a purpose, at kung ano man yun, sa palagay ko ay akin nang natutunan at natunghayan.

I have realized and understood life fully.

Salamat sa lahat ng mga kaibigan na nanatiling kaibigan sa oras ng aking hilahil. Sa simpleng text at tawag ng pagungumusta, sa paniniwala sa aking pagkatao, they never showed any doubt that I cannot do such thing. I do not even have to explain a single thing or the details. Tunay ngang lalong kuminang ang salitang kaibigan sa aking isip at puso. At aminado ako, mas pinahahalagahan ko ang aking mga kaibigan sa mga sandaling ito ng aking buhay.

Thank you to my sister and brother-in-law, for all the unending support and confidence. I am so lucky to have one sister who’s maturity and outlook in life has done me well on this trial. May mga oras na pinanghinaan ako ng loob at pilit na ibinabagsak ng aking emosyon pero salamat na lang sa aking kapatid at bayaw na siyang matiyagang nagpapaalala sa akin na lumaban at maging matatag. Also not to forget is my beautiful niece, Raven Agatha Flores who had been my constant source of joy and keep on saying on my face that there is so much to live and to be happy about.

Salamat kay Tita Nerie at sa aking Dakilang Ina, sa mga di matatawarang pag-alala at mga dalisay na panalangin. They have helped me pushed my prayers and substituted for me during the times that I forgot to pray.

Thank you to some of the Filipino managers at Mcdonalds whom I have treated and have treated me also as a friend. They have shown support to my battle and thank you for just simply believing.

Salamat din sa mga naging kalahok ng Willie of Fortune ng Wowowee. May mga umiiyak sa mga problema, may mga tunay na galak kahit naghihirap at iba pa. I have consistently watched it and from there I had a complete grasp of how lucky I am in spite of what happened. Tunay ngang napakaraming mga dapat ipagpasalamat sa buhay na ito. Huwag nating hanapin ang mga bagay na kulang sa atin bagkus hanapin natin ang kung ano ang meron tayo sa kasalukuyan at ipagpasalamat ito.

Pabiro kong nasabi minsan matapos ang lahat ng ito, You will never want or wish to become ARISTHOTEL D. CASTRO. It takes a lot of courage, strength, perseverance, bravery, moral fiber, spirit and specially faith.

ARISTHOTEL CASTRO

Sinubok.

Lumaban.

Nagpakatatag.

Nanalangin.

Nagwagi.

Bumangon.

Nabuhay.

Nagpasalamat. Nagpapasalamat. Magpapasalamat.

To God be the glory.

mga kaanak ni maria at ignacia...isang balik-tanaw (sma hs batch of 1997)

if one would conduct a survey at any given time with the question, "which is most memorable for you, high school or college?". i would like to believe that from numerous respondents, high school would get the highest votes. true enough and would like to agree, high school life were the most unforgettable and brilliant years of any individual.

ano nga ba ang nagbibigay ng kulay sa high school? maaaring ang mga pangyayari, mga tauhan nito, at iba't-ibang aspeto na umiikot sa loob at labas ng akademya.... pero ano din ba ang pagkakaiba ng pulutong 1997 sa ibang pulutong na dumaan sa saint mary's academy? siguro ay may pagkakahawig, may pagkakatulad ngunit di maaaring magkamukha...kahit na nga himayin pa ang kasaysayan ng saint mary's academy from year 1945, it may be alike but it will never be the same.

1993-1994 freshman year. i was a transferee then from saint paul school of san ildefonso. even though it was far from our place, my parents decided to enroll us at saint mary's academy, they pulled out my sister from saint paul school of san miguel and enrolled us together at SMA.

at that time sister maria luz dela cruz, rvm, was at the helm as school directress. the most sociable and gregarious directress, being friendly to all...

as first year students, mostly would entail big adjustments not just for transferees like me to a new environment but for loyal students as well, from being a grade school student to a high school student. all at the same time entering late puberty and early adulthood.

who would forget year 1993, fidel ramos was our president. nelson mandela won the nobel peace prize. mariah carey was at the height of her career with songs like "dreamlover" and "hero". a whole new world for lea salonga when she sang her own version of the alladin theme "a whole new world". the band rivermaya was founded. schlindler's list and jurassic park were among the hit movies of 1993, mayon volcano erupted for the nth time. imagine all these, talking about these while eating lunch at aling ine's restaurant cum school supplies store, while eating fishballs, while drinking samalamig of diffrent colors and flavors, while taking chances on the "palabunutan", while waiting for transport service... for a sundo.... all occurring at one and only racelis street, a strip of sort even before the food strip came into being...pero balik tayo kay aling ine, dapat kasama sya sa annals of history ng saint mary's academy, she have been a living witness to all these...

then came 1994-1995, sophomore year. the country hold its another barangay election and that same year,the country hosted the 43rd miss universe pageant making it the second time after 1974. the well celebrated final and answer question of the pageant, "what is the essence of being a woman?", sushmita sen of india gave a sharp and quick answer which paved the way for winning the crown as miss universe of 1994. the very reason why samson japitana, a high-flying junior student at that time, drew his inspiration of composing a cheerleading song that goes something like this...

we are the juniors and we are the best, the models of SMAB...

then chorus

oh oh oh mabuhay (ang juniors) mabuhay ang juniors mabuhay....

but i really do not remember if they won the cheerleading competition at that time.

who would forget the speech choir competition. ang punong abala at lider lideran ng panahong yun si dionice juliano. ang piyesa "the psalm of life" ni henry wadsworth longfellow, ang costume kulay itim with matching hood and mask, hindi ko alam kung si "kamatayan" o gregorian monks ang inspiration...dahil ba sa ang titulo ng piyesa ay may salitang life kaya "kamatayan" inspired ang costume? ewan ko ba, until now i do not know the reason, because i think i was just involved for the sake of being involved, plus points yata sa english subject o exempted sa final exam kaya ako sumali. nevertheless, it was fun and exciting specially during rehearsals and at this day and age i can recite one stanza of the poem:

"not enjoyment and not sorrow,

is our destined end or way;

but to act that each tomorrow,

find us farther than today."

also, who would forget the moments at the audio visual room, watching and listening to the international debate combats of our homegrown talent and foremost student enrique "buko" dela cruz. he was an inspiration...an encouragement for all.

school year 1995-1996 initiated an experimental move of the school with regards to fragmenting the students, the so called first pilot and second pilot came into existence. miss mercedita dungo and sir rogelio dela peña handled the first pilot and second pilot respectively. i really do not know the rationale of the experiment but i guess its all about motivation, a matter of reward.

junior year 1995, saw the most celebrated event of the year, the world youth day. being a catholic institution, the school was all the way participative. from singing the world youth day theme song entitled, "for god so loved the world" with sign language interpretation sung after every flag ceremony, from receiving and enthroning the jubilee cross to bequeathing it to the next school. the school was all the way there...felt and seen...

not to be forgotten was the televison exposure of saint mary's academy via the game show battle of the brains, represented by roel mapoy, joey rivera, jonil bautista, allen perez among others...

sayawit year level choral competition was also held. there were two songs for the competition, "halina hesus halina" and another song in which until now i cannot remember. in recall, we have hired a choral teacher for this event and have agreed to make monetary contribution to help pay the services of the choral teacher.

juniors and seniors prom should not also be forgotten, another best part of high school life. souvenirs made of cards similar to an atm card with the song of camaraderie "if we hold on together". we even had special guest during the prom, then senator now president gloria macapagal-arroyo. (through the efforts of buko dela cruz i guess).

1996 also gave way for a new directress of saint mary's academy, sister maria violeta acosta, rvm, a quiet type yet engaging directress.

1996-1997 senior year. the final year for all of us. it was in this year sangguniang kabataan election was held, princess diana and prince charles were divorced, local dance group universal motion dancers were at the peak of their career. there were also growing popularity for gwapings, ang tv show, hiraya manawari among other contemporary televsion shows.

saint mary's academy goes with the fad in terms of dance group popularity. hindi ko matandaan kung ano ang name ng grupo nila, but everytime there was a school program they would be included as performers. the group consist of jerome canasa, emmanuel i forgot the surname, israel montano and ryan silva. they have the moves and the charisma and they have fans too. not a surprise ryan silva became one of the formidable member of the ust salinggawi dancers and now with the commercial and professional dance group "the whiplash".

not to be forgotten are the young love sweet love of these times. from serious to not so serious boy-girl relationships that have made the journey of a high school life even more exciting and sweeter, that to this time have witnessed the flourishing relationships from a puppy love to a serious love to marriage. the likes of mark timothy pagaduan and hiyas lea dela cruz and aicelle constantino and franklin verdillo among others. there were those relationships that failed and there were those relationships that prospered...

graduation is coming near... na kung kelan ayaw mong matapos ay para namang sadyang triple and bilis ng orasan. graduation photos are taken by batch, pictorials for the marynette, writing messages for a closest friend to go along with the idea of the yearbook, deliberations for honor students, if i remember it right it was dionice juliano against jonil baustista vying for the valedictorian post, first to have a retreat at baguio among others.....

this batch have seen the best teachers of the academe. sir dela peña for chemistry, mam dungo for economics, with her unforgettable naturalness and angst when explaining the law of demand and supply. mam bernardino and mam lajom, with their mathematical prowess teaching logarithm, geometry and algebra. mam inocencio, with her expertise and ability to uncover the message of the el filibusterismo, not to mention that this lady also handled the student affairs of the high school department. mam villegas, with her illiad and odyssey and other literatures of the world. mam catacutan, now sister tess catacutan, rvm... with her edukasyong pangkatawan at kalusugan, first aid and prohibited drugs. mam leoncia cruz, with her matter and its motion through space and time, also with her was the prefect of discipline title. mam tamayo, with cherie pie picache image taught the noli me tangere. sister angela, with her different philosophies of man. then there was brother jude javier with all his efforts to explain the new encyclical letter of the late pope john paul the second entitled "evangelium vitae" relating it to family relations. sir yambao on how to communicate effectively in english. mam myrna bondad, the high school principal...sir edgardo santos...... at that time he was never my teacher because he transferred to bsu, what a relief...thanks be to god...hahahaha.

higit pa sa panghihinayang ang aking naramdaman ng hindi ako nakarating sa reunion noong buwan ng mayo, it was 13 years after... pagkatapos ng labintatlong taon. gayunman, i still hope that in the near future we will all see each other again, to hear your stories and to hear my stories. stories that we can learn upon and laugh about. as sharon cuneta would say in her song...

high school life, on my high school life

every memory, kay ganda.

high school days, oh my high school days

are exciting kay saya...

may mga bagay na nakakalimutan o sadyang kinakalimutan....ngunit napakarami ang mga bagay na dapat ay hindi kinakalimutan...i guess this is one of those that need to be remembered not only today or tomorrow...kundi magpakailanman.

after thirteen years, it is now with great happiness to say...KAKLASE KO YAN. and after the nostalgic reunion on may 1, 2010, it is with much pride to say....KAIBIGAN KO YAN....

the truth in politics....a tuts' eyeview ( 2004 and 2007 elections )

after my lecturing stint for one school year 2002-2003 at fernandez colleges in baliuag, i had the opportunity to enter the world of politics and i must say i had the most exhilirating, astonishing and enormous experience of it.

it was my colleague and one of my best friend jing geronimo who was instrumental in my entry to the political arena and this was the story: naghost si jing ng isang wedding, naging co-host nya si kuya randy reyes, nagtanung si kuya randy kay jing kung may ma-refer sya na applicant for office staff kasi magtayo ng political office for the incoming election, ako ang nirefer ni jing, i was interviewed by kuya randy at their house in sto. cristo baliuag, ayun nagustuhan naman ako...and that was the start..

it was as early as november of 2003 when we started the political cum public relations office at makinabang, baliuag, bulacan for the 2004 presidential election. we started from scratch... from scouting a good office location, from the furnitures, office equipment and supplies, hiring staff from the intellectual positions to a not so intellectual positions, we have done it all till we had a normal and smooth office operation.

i had so many bosses in this office, manager lito tengco, the founder, mentor, advisor of the whole team and mostly the financier i guess, to note that he is one of the famous tengco's of baliuag transit corporation. then there is kuya mic tuazon, kuya randy reyes and kuya clem.

kuya mic was in-charge of the marketing.. talking to clients, kuya randy was assigned to do the program implemetation...the artistic director, kuya clem is the brainchild of all the campaign strategies, he sets the underlying principle, lays the foundation...the rationale of the team. now as i look back, i do not know how i have manage to deal with these superiors, you have to have the emotional strength, physical potency, spiritual guidance and the complete intellect...and please add in the value of patience as well...

we have three major clients during the 2004 presidential election namely: romy estrella, running for mayoralty post of baliuag, pedro pancho, vying for a congressional seat on the second district of bulacan and our most sensationalized client at that time, the late raymond pagdanganan, only son of obet and susan pagdanganan who runs for vice-governor of bulacan.

there are ugly truths and equally good looking truths in the world of politics, and this entry tries to recall the experience of that wonderful saga, a chronicle that is worth remembering...

meeting new friends and acquaintances...i think this was the best lovely truth about politics, most of my friends at this day and age are from. i have kuya randy who became my friend and mentor and now i call him diko, there is rico who at first i thought was snobbish would become my very best friend, ally and a brother, there is kuya mic whom i have traced to be a family relative, kuya clem, whom i have maintained also a close connection even after the elections, there's manager lito tengco who i admire so much for his ability to mingle with us in spite his stature, there is ate edna, who's words are sharp but a very true ate and friend. i also met at that time ate joy riel, the executive secretary of then secretary of tourism obet pagdanganan. ate joy was always accommodating and friendly, she did not abuse her privilege, she listens and she brings "joy" to the team, there is marcos, whose sociability manage him to become a close-in of raymond pagdanganan during the campaign. mam susan pagdanganan, wife of secretary obet and mother to raymond, a very down to earth lady who embodies true social and public service selflessly, very prim, approachable and up to this day i looked up to her as a mother. and also to mention that i met my first girlfriend.....

tanda ko pa nang pumanaw si raymond, nakipila kami sa mga taong nais sulyapan ang kanyang mga labi, and when it was our turn to take a peep to the coffin and extend our condolences to mam susan, i was surprised that he recognized us at dali-dali kaming nagyakap, lumuluha si mam susan na para bang bumalik sa kanyang ala-ala kung paano namin tinulungan at minahal si raymond nung sya ay kumandidato. mula noon mas lalo ko syang hinangaan at tiningala, isang tunay na ehemplo ng pagiging isang ina.

there were a lot of friends i have garnered during this time and even though i have not mention their names in this entry, they are in my thought and in my heart...

politics is all about money..and that is an ugly truth. katotohanan na ang isang pulitiko ay hindi mananalo kung wala itong pera, katotohanan na ang mga botante hindi ka iboboto kung wala kang nakasobre, katotohanan na ang eleksyon ay para lang sa may koneksyon at may pera, katotohanan na ang pulitiko ay walang kakayahang kumandidato kung wala itong pondo....katotohanan na kapag eleksyon salapi ang nangingibabaw....nakapanlulumong katotohanan..

i still remember the time. a weekday in office, the security guard called me and handed me a delivery receipt, i looked at the paper and i was in awe.... a million peso worth of san miguel food products donated to raymond pagdanganan through his father obet pagdanganan. corned beef of different flavors, luncheon meat, pork and beans and the famous "maling". the warehouse was full of it and there was a second batch coming...donations during election is overflowing in cash and in kinds.

2007 senatorial elections also paved the way for me to work for ambrosio "boy" cruz of guiguinto, bulacan, who at that time was running for a congressional seat in the second district of bulacan. it made me wander, boy cruz already has the wealth and the riches of life but i have always asked myself, does he really need to enter politics given that he has the fortunes of the world? and after the election i have realized, it is his destiny to serve the people.

politics is the season of poverty abuse.... another ugly truth. maraming pilipino ang inaabuso ang kahirapan sa panahon ng halalan, mahirap daw sila kaya kailangan nila ng tulong. kaya ginagawang hanapbuhay ang panghihingi sa pulitiko, dinarayo ang mga headquarters, kanya-kanyang paraan, kanya-kanyang dahilan. pampagawa ng poso, pambili ng gamot ng apo, pampa opera ng sakit, pambubong ng bahay at ultimo pambayad ng kuryente. it always made me feel pity and angry at the same time, it taught how to differentiate a lie from a genuine appeal and more than anything else it made me realize how lucky i am...

it was 3 days before the election, the fight is so tight and close. i was asked by kuya clem to go down the barrio and distribute the magic envelopes. i was like a teacher doing roll call of each name on the list, i nearly fainted..i was mobbed by the people, each of them taking a good grasp and reach of not me, but the magic envelope.

in our efforts to make our candidate known, we have exerted our efforts to penetrate the single barrio of the province to the purok (zone) level. from the mountains and hills of san jose del monte and norzagaray and to the islands of pamarawan in malolos. it was a once in a lifetime experience...it was a humbling experience. yes, politics is adventurous but at the same time dangerous.

there were a lot of stories to tell and there were also a lot to forget, amidst it all i have learned so many wonderful things, it was an eye-opener. it has taught me to become sociable, appreciate camaraderie, it has made me a responsible individual.

while it is true that its financially rewarding to work in the political arena, i am rewarded with the most valuable and important compensation....i gained FRIENDS.

and your host....

i still remember my first hosting stint, it was just a "katuwaan" from my classmate in college, she is soon to celebrate her debut and she jokingly asked me if i can be the host of the said celebration. and without much thought i just said yes, i did not asked her why she chose me i just said yes...

her name was jeanelyn coloma from san juan, manila. we were in second year college then at far eastern university when my first hosting stint started. it was a moment full of excitement and tension for me, it is something that is a first and something big for me. the venue was in in a multi-purpose hall at camp crame along edsa, the father of the debutante, a retired military entitled them to use the place. the funny thing was, while i was to start the programme the mother of the debutante approached me and said that the celebration will have to be until 11:00 in the evening and we should control the noise inside the hall because in one of the hall in the ground floor was the wake of another military officer.

i was in awe thinking of the irony of the situation, but i said to myself the celebration must go on and i have to make it exciting, happy and memorable for all the people who attended and most specially to the debutante herself.

i was able to pull it off and from the words of my friends who were present, manifested that i did a quite good job. it was a relief for me, a joy and a positive sign that i have a future in hosting.

nasundan ito ng isa pang debut celebration ng isa rin sa aking kaklase nung kolehiyo, si annelise turingan mula sa sta. maria, bulacan. i was not marketing myself then that i can do hosting and did not express my wanting to be a host, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ako ang gusto nila... sa kadaldalan ko kaya, sa pagka komedyante ko o sadyang wala lang silang choice....ewan ko, hindi ko alam...

the first two events were equally budgeted and i must say pinaghirapan, pinaglaanan ng oras at panahon kaya ako ay lulang-lula sa mga kaganapan. naisip ko na mayayaman lang ang nakakaisip at may kakayahang magdiwang ng mga ganitong klaseng okasyon. mula sa mga pagkain, damit at gown ng debutant at iba pang maliliit na aspeto ay talagang pinag-isipan at ginastusan. the very reason that i am equally pressured, burdened and strained, kailangan kong galingan at paghusayan...kahit na nga ako ay walang talent fee. but believe it or not i was not after then the money, but i am after the experience, the learning and the joy i can share to everybody present.

i was not spared to do hosting stints for my beloved baranggay. from fund raising parties and barangay beauty pageants, i was able to experience it.

i have always love to do hosting for my barrio, its my way of giving back. kahit na nga ang iba ay hindi kumbinsido sa istilo ng aking pagho-host. marami din ang humahanga at marami ang nagugulat... si aris ba yun?si aris pala yun...they would always wander.

my one year teaching career at fernandez colleges also paved the way to hone my talent in hosting. from fund raising campus pageants, JS prom, college parties and school graduation...i was in the spotlight holding the microphone.

when i was busy in my career at chowking foods corporation, i was not able to do many of the hosting, pero hindi ako nakatakas sa hilig ng aking puso at bibig, kahit na nga ako ay nasa chowking i have been very active in organizing anniversary events and meetings for the store and it was a sure thing that i am the host of the event.

tanda ko pa si shane, anak ni ate nida na nakasama ko sa hanapbuhay sa feu registrar. matapos ang tatlong taon na di pagkikita at dumating ang panahon ng kanyang debut, they searched for me, tinunton ang aking kainaroroonan upang ako ay kuhaning host ng kanyang debut. nakakataba ng puso...sa dami ng mga maaaring mag host ay ako ang ang pinili ako pa ang naibigan.at ako ay nagpapasalamat...

there were times that i said no to a lot of hosting invitation, but it was not that i do not want to, but the time and situation would not permit. gusto ng puso ko ngunit hinaharangan ng panahon at pagkakataon. si ate josie na tinanggihan kong i-host ang kasal sa pangasinan. patawad ate josie, pero hindi talaga kayang ibigay ng pagkakataon.

maging dito sa singapore ay hindi ako nakaiwas sa gustong gawin ng aking puso. it was through my friends dubhe and bryan that brings me back to my hosting. i hosted their wedding rites and although i was not able to do it after a long time the skills was still there and the guest saw it and i was happy.

everytime i do hosting i make it a point that i do research, i ask what they want and i give my inputs. sinisiguro kong sa lahat ng selebrasyon ito ay natural, masaya, sincere at may koneksyon sa tao..sa mga manonood.

i must admit, hindi madaling maging host, kailangan ng bilis ng isip, paghahanda at tibay ng dibdib, pero ito ay nagiging madali at masaya kung ito ay may kagustuhang gawin na nagmumula sa puso.